17th August 2017

Hope – Descriptive Piece

You “Every unwanted morning you’ll stretch your bloody and bruised legs. You will breathe in the probably highly toxic and polluted air as if it was a good day. You’ll limp out of the cold rusty bunker I proudly built to protect the survivors and go on your tradition jog through the abandoned streets searching for supplies.

On your jog you will often choke on the stench of pain that reaks out of the split pavement. Your eyes will burn from the tears that sprinkle your dry dirty skin when you see the remaining rubble of your lost city just crumbling into nothingness. The screams and voices of innocent human beings will never stop ringing in your ears.

The sky will beg you to give up so that it itself can be free from the torture of looking down onto such a waste land. You’ll constantly be scrambling into the nearest building to take shelter from the harsh winds that smother the city in blankets of sand.

I want you know that this wasn’t my choice and I couldn’t control it. Faith comes in many forms but this time in has settled in you Hope..because you are the only one who holds the key and wields the power to raising our city from its ashes. You are the only one who can restore the land and make peace with the anger that ruined our society because you are pure Hope and don’t ever forget that. Goodbye Hope and good luck.”

Join the conversation! 2 Comments

  1. frontal preposition: On your jog you will often choke on the stench of pain that reaks out of the split pavement. this is the only one but it doesn’t actually put the reader in a position.

    noun phrase: You’ll limp out of the cold rusty bunker I proudly built to protect the survivors and go on your tradition jog through the abandoned streets searching for supplies. this is a good one but i think you need to put a comma after bunker and survivors to make it make sense.

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  2. adverbial: The screams and voices of innocent human beings will never stop ringing in your ears.
    i cant find one in the description but in this sentence you can make one by putting a descriptive word after or before the word ringing, eg. ringing loudly

    relative clause: i cannot find one of these.

    great description but you can improve it even more by adding/changing the things i have commented on above : )

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